


pretend

by googoojeu (itsnotgillian)



Series: parallels [2]
Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, Underage Drinking, teenagers being teenagers part 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 06:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12292818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsnotgillian/pseuds/googoojeu
Summary: Joochan finally stops pretending when he passes out face-down on his bed, remnants of tears staining his bed sheets.





	pretend

**Author's Note:**

> this is basically [cheers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12246612), but in joochan's pov.
> 
> i wrote this instead of doing my thesis paper. don't be like me, kids. i'm a bad role model.

Joochan knows he’s drunk.

Or, at least, he’s on the way there. His vision is starting to blur around the edges and his inability to keep his hands off Donghyun has become more and more noticeable.

It starts with his usual arm-around-the shoulders approach, the same one he does to all of his friends when he’s feeling particularly touchy, which is, in fact, all the time. Then, his hands start to wander lower, down to Donghyun’s own hands, their fingers intertwining as Joochan pulls him onto the makeshift dance floor in his living room. It progresses to Joochan winding his arms around Donghyun’s waist, their fronts stuck together while they groove to the music. 

Donghyun doesn’t seem to mind. He looks as if  he’s enjoying it just as much, if Joochan may say so himself. 

After a few more minutes of wordlessly moving along to every song that comes on, Donghyun pulls Joochan out of the living room and into the much quieter hallway. 

Joochan decides it’s time to get a little braver. He leans in close, but not _too_ close; just enough so that his nose is almost touching Donghyun’s. Joochan’s hands reclaim their spot on Donghyun’s waist. 

“What are you doing?” Donghyun smiles, arms loose around Joochan’s neck. 

“Nothing,” Joochan answers, staring down intently at Donghyun’s lips. A movement at the corner of his eye catches Joochan’s attention, and he turns, surprised to see a familiar raven-haired boy standing cluelessly further down the hall. 

 _Bomin_. 

Joochan gently pushes Donghyun away, keeping him at a safe distance as Bomin’s eyes land on the two of them. Joochan quickly looks the other way, pretending not to have seen Bomin. Joochan knows about Bomin’s (not so) little crush on Donghyun, and the last thing Joochan wants to do is make one of his kindest juniors jealous. Although, Joochan has to admit it’s not his fault Donghyun is such an easy person to fall in love with. 

“Bomin!” Joochan calls out, willing himself to ignore the painful little tug at his heart as he approaches Bomin. “I didn’t expect you to come.” Joochan lays a hand on Bomin’s shoulder, guiding him closer to where Joochan left Donghyun. 

“Sorry for intruding,” Bomin says, his hand coming up to scratch at the back of his neck. In this moment, Joochan realizes it really is impossible for him to harbor any negative feelings for Bomin. He’s too nice, too clueless about Joochan’s true feelings and intentions. 

“Happy birthday, by the way,” Bomin hurriedly adds, flashing Joochan a smile that would probably be worth millions in the future. 

Joochan waves a hand dismissively. “You’re not intruding, don’t worry. And thank you!” 

“Hey, Bomin,” Donghyun greets, and Joochan feels the tugging in his chest turn into a harsh pull. 

“Hi,” Bomin shyly returns.

Without thinking, Joochan lightly elbows Bomin’s arm, interrupting whatever potential conversation Donghyun and Bomin were about to have.

“I should get you a drink,” Joochan suggests. A moment later, however, a voice behind Bomin speaks up. 

“No need,” Jaehyun assures. “I got that covered.” 

Joochan watches as Jaehyun hands Bomin a bottle. 

“It’s just beer. You’ll be fine,” Jaehyun says. Bomin accepts the drink, looking every bit the novice drinker that he is. 

Joochan’s attention is pulled away from his friends in front of him when he sees Daeyeol and Jangjun walk up from behind Bomin and Jaehyun. 

“What are you doing here? You’re, like, twelve,” Jangjun quips, earning a collective laugh from everyone. 

The rest of the conversation that follows is lost to Joochan as he turns away, focusing back on Donghyun. 

Donghyun returns Joochan’s gaze and smiles. 

“You okay?” Donghyun asks, reaching out for Joochan’s hand, their fingers easily slotting together. 

Joochan nods. “Yeah.” 

Their little moment is interrupted when another one of Joochan’s seniors, Jaeseok, rushes up to Donghyun. 

“There’s a little dance battle going on in the living room,” Jaeseok says a little breathlessly. “And it wouldn’t be complete without you there.” 

Donghyun’s face lights up. “Count me in.” 

Joochan feels Donghyun pull on his hand. “Support me?” Donghyun asks, a little pout on his lips. Joochan swears he could feel his heart burst inside his chest. 

“Of course,” Joochan says, welcoming the warm feeling spreading through his body.

Donghyun smiles, pulling Joochan back into the living room where a number of people have gathered to witness this ‘dance battle’. 

Donghyun lets go of Joochan’s hand and practically throws himself into the gathering crowd. Joochan can’t see much, but he knows whatever Donghyun does, it’s bound to be impressive. 

Before Joochan can follow Donghyun into the crowd, a hand pulls on Joochan’s arm. He turns to see one of the people from his class looking at him excitedly. 

“Let’s do body shots,” Joochan’s classmate suggests. 

Joochan immediately laughs at the idea. 

“Should we?” Joochan asks. “In that case, should I volunteer my own body?” 

Joochan was half-joking. A part of him wanted to do it, a part of him didn’t. 

“You’ll do it?” Joochan’s classmate asks. Ultimately, Joochan just shrugs. 

“Sure, why not?” Joochan agrees without as much as a second thought. His classmate cheers. 

“You’re getting a lot bolder, Hong. Literally,” his classmate says, clapping Joochan on the back. “Let’s do it in the kitchen,” he adds before running off. 

Joochan shakes his head, trying to make sense of what he’s about to do. He turns back to the crowd and is surprised to see Donghyun and Bomin standing just outside the circle of people, the two of them in extremely close proximity. 

An idea pops into Joochan’s head, and it’s an idea he initially hates, his better judgement telling him that nothing good would come out of it, but Joochan’s better judgement is already clouded, anyway. 

So, fuck it, right? 

Joochan jogs up to Donghyun, leaning in so his mouth is right next to Donghyun’s ear. 

“Someone suggested body shots,” Joochan declares, momentarily forgetting about Bomin’s presence. “And yours truly volunteered. I’m giving you the honor of taking the first shot off of me.” 

Donghyun laughs and hits Joochan on the chest. “Are you serious?” 

“You bet I am,” Joochan deadpans. 

Donghyun sighs, his mouth still spread into a grin. 

“Well, in that case, what kind of friend would I be if I refused?” Donghyun says, fingers wrapping around Joochan’s wrist. “Where to?” 

Joochan smiles. “Kitchen.” 

Both of them exit the living room before making their way to the kitchen. When they get there, a few people are already gathered on the floor, waiting. The moment they spot Joochan, they cheer. 

Joochan is pulled down, his shirt a subject of interest as people chant, _‘Take it off! Take it off! Take it off!’_  

Joochan isn’t known for being a killjoy, so without hesitation, he pulls his plain black shirt off, exposing the entirety of his upper body. He immediately gets down to business and lies down on the cold floor of his kitchen, his classmates fussing over him. 

“Who’s going first?” Joochan hears someone ask. 

“I am,” Donghyun announces, kneeling beside Joochan. At this point, Joochan’s heart is hammering against his ribcage, and his hands are starting to shake. 

“You know how to do this?” Another one of Joochan’s classmates addresses Donghyun, a bottle of tequila ready in his hand.

“I’ve watched enough videos,” Donghyun answers. The room erupts in laughter. 

Someone (Joochan’s not sure who) gets to work sprinkling salt on one side of Joochan’s neck before instructing him to keep the lime wedge in his mouth. 

Joochan keeps his eyes trained on Donghyun as the liquor is being poured right into Joochan’s navel, the cold sensation sending shivers up his spine. Joochan gasps as he feels Donghyun’s lips suck up the liquid, his tongue momentarily making contact with the skin on Joochan’s stomach. Donghyun comes up to Joochan’s neck to lick the salt off, and Joochan has to stop a whine that’s threatening to erupt from his lips. Finally, Donghyun lines his head with Joochan’s and plucks the lime wedge right out of Joochan’s mouth, their lips brushing against each other for the briefest of moments. 

Everyone cheers even louder than before and Joochan watches as Donghyun’s expression transforms into a look of satisfaction. 

Joochan’s still in a daze, so it takes him a moment to realize that the people, Donghyun included, are filing out of the kitchen, loudly discussing about who gets to have Donghyun take a body shot off of them next. 

Just like that, it was over. 

Joochan sits up, pulling his shirt back on, not even bothering to dry off the tequila that had dripped onto his sides. Joochan quietly climbs onto the counter before opening a bottle of beer. 

Just as he takes his first sip, Bomin walks into the kitchen looking way more pissed than Joochan’s ever seen him before.

“Oh, hey,” Joochan greets. “Come to get a drink?”

“Yeah,” Bomin nods before pausing. Joochan watches as the younger scans the numerous bottles on the counter, the look of uncertainty evident on Bomin’s face.

Joochan snickers. “Let me.”

Joochan reaches over to get a clean red cup before assembling a cocktail Jibeom had invented and taught them how to make some weeks before. Joochan silently mixes different juices and liquors, all too aware of Bomin’s eyes on him. A little while later, Joochan reaches out to hand Bomin the cup.

“You’re not trying to poison me, right?” Bomin asks. Joochan knows he’s not entirely serious, as he spots a glint of playfulness in Bomin’s eyes. Joochan just chuckles and shakes his head.

“It’s not you I want to poison,” Joochan informs.

Bomin regards Joochan with a look of mild surprise mixed with curiosity. “Oh?”

Joochan nods, leaning back onto his hands before sighing.

“Who is it, then?” Bomin asks.

“Donghyun,” Joochan answers.

There’s a slight pause and Joochan readies himself for whatever other question Bomin wants to ask him.

“Why?” Bomin demands.

Joochan looks straight at Bomin’s eyes. In all honesty, Joochan doesn’t even know why. Donghyun has always been kind to Joochan. He’s always been sweet, always been so supportive—both physically and emotionally. Always stressed how much of a good friend Joochan is to him.

And that’s the thing. Joochan has been—and always will be—just a friend to Donghyun.

Joochan shrugs. “You like him, right? You should know why.”

Bomin starts to stutter. “I-I like him, but that doesn’t mean I know the reason why you want to poison him.”

“Well, Bomin,” Joochan begins. “I like him, too, if that wasn’t obvious enough. But, the thing is, I’m never really sure about whether he likes me back.”

“The signs are there, but, it’s never enough,” Joochan continues. He pauses for a second to study Bomin’s face.

_I’m sorry, Bomin. For every time I’ve unintentionally made you jealous. In truth, I’m jealous, too. Jealous of how blissfully ignorant you are about the difficulty that comes with simultaneously being in love with Donghyun while having to act as his best friend. Jealous of everyone he shows even a speck of kindness to. Jealous. Extremely, utterly, undeniably jealous._

“Sorry,” Joochan apologizes. “It’s a bit insensitive of me to be discussing this with you, isn’t it?”

Bomin shakes his head. “It’s fine. I get what you mean.”

“At least, you get to hold on to a little bit of hope,” Bomin continues. “Who knows? He might really like you back. I mean, he did take that body shot off of you, right?”

Joochan laughs. “Yeah, he did. And about three other people.”

_Lies. It was only him. I wanted it to be him._

“But he went first,” Bomin reminds.

“I told him to go first,” Joochan states matter-of-factly.

_He was the first and the last._

“I’m pretty sure he wanted to go first, either way,” Bomin points out.

Joochan’s pauses, unsure of what to reply to that. He takes a deep breath instead.

“Thanks for coming tonight, Bomin,” Joochan says, holding his bottle out in front of him. "And cheers to our unreturned feelings."

Bomin sighs and bumps his cup against Joochan’s bottle. “Cheers.”

* * *

Later that night, Joochan pretends that he doesn’t see Donghyun kissing one of their female classmates on the living room couch.

Even later on, Joochan pretends once more that he doesn’t see them retreat into one of the guest rooms.

And even later than that, Joochan pretends he isn’t crying as he downs another shot. And another. And another. And another.

Joochan finally stops pretending when he passes out face-down on his bed, remnants of tears staining his bed sheets.

**Author's Note:**

> yay, more angst!  
> p.s. shoutout to golcha stan [twitter](http://twitter.com/antimaknes): STOP KILLING OFF THE MEMBERS


End file.
